Two Realities – One Image
23 June:
Silently the specialist for prenatal diagnostic
moves the ultrasound head in cool jelly on my belly.
I look at my child – black and white on the monitor.
Everything is there… I like how he moves,
evading the doctor’s measurements in silent grace.
Afterwards I will leave the practice knowing everything is ok.
The doctor’s replies to my questions are monosyllabic,
postponing explanations.
I don’t suspect anything.
Later I realised the doctor saw a child very different
from the one I saw:
He examined a foetus doomed to die,
with many abnormalities he rarely encounters combined.
I saw my child – with joy and pride – to me he was perfect
because I couldn’t see the abnormalities on the screen.
At first I am horrified at these simultaneous, different realities.
“Why didn’t you tell me immediately?”
The doctor offers me a second examination.
I should come back four days later to see with my own eyes
all details of his diagnosis on the ultrasound screen.
At the end he gives me the video tape with his recorded findings.
Looking back I know:
Our views remained different.