This picture I took on Monday, 23 June.
The diagnosis in the morning.

Two weeks later here in the garden
another talk with Lothar, our second general practitioner.
On the table a bowl full of cherries.

I met Lothar 14 years ago at one of my first home births.

He immediately understands what is so important to me:
To be able to carry my child full term, in peace,
I have to face his unavoidable death.

Lothar will be present at our home birth,
if my child’s development allows for him
to be born the natural way.

There is a risk that a hydrocephalus
swells his head so much that the child’s passage
through my pelvis would be impossible.

The small tumour at an open area of the spine
could grow so much during the next months
that it would become a major obstacle for birth.

Should a caesarean be necessary
Lothar arranges with a gynaecologist
of his acquaintance as follows:

In his hospital my child would be received
by my doctors and my family.
They will lovingly care for him as long as he lives
the way I want it –
in case I am unable to do so.

In Lothar’s opinion my child’s chances
are much more limited than Marina thinks.

He also realises that I cannot sacrifice
everything for my child if I carry him full term.